Back-to-back meetings, intermittent technical issues, and a crazy pile-up of deliverables kept me working until late and got me obviously frustrated and exhausted. Gosh, what a day?! The only highlight was the incredibly enjoyable and engaging 90 minutes spent on a writing course with beautiful, like-minded people from across the globe.
London has been in lockdown since mid-March and thankfully people are allowed to step out everyday for some form of workout. I’m truly lucky to have a gorgeous park (Regents Park) within a 5 minute walk from where I live. The lush green carpet of grass and the cherry blossom trees of white and pink set in front of a massive lake, with quacking ducks waging territory wars and graceful swans keeping away from this mayhem, against the backdrop of a clear blue sky feels like a warm wrap to the soul!
It’s the first time I’ve set out in the evening since lockdown a month ago. I’m in the park now and notice only a handful of people, realising that dusk is fast approaching and the parks are shut soon after sunset I decide to make a swift exit. Getting onto the usually bustling tourist hot-spot in central London (Baker Street), I’m stunned at the sight that greets me – empty streets, closed cafes and restaurants, almost no traffic, dull pavements crying out their abandonment – a depressing picture framed by an eerie stillness. Hearing about a lockdown is one thing, but witnessing its effects personally is another thing altogether.
As I was drinking in the state of all this in dismay, my mobile beeped with a notification that the UK’s Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, had been admitted to intensive care with worsening covid-19 symptoms. I caught myself wondering when things would go back to normal and when travel would be safe again without worrying about being carriers of nasty viruses so I could meet family in India. A sinking feeling of uncertainty gnawed at my insides, I prayed hard for the safety and good health of dear family and friends. It was no surprise then that I quickly teared up as I started walking back and once home it turned into a complete break down with loud sobs. Oh dear, an already intense day just got more intense by an overwhelming breakdown.
I live alone and so haven’t had a face-to-face interaction with another human in over 4 weeks now. What does the human soul seek when in such distress – some tender love and care from fellow humans. I promptly take my phone out and start furiously texting some of my friends. A few messages and phone calls later, with friends assuring me that these are indeed challenging times and that I can reach out anytime, I’m smiling again. I go for a warm shower – favourite part of my evening routine.
Already feeling much better after my shower I decide to sit down and close my eyes in self-reflection. Slowly I begin to relax, anxiety of being in this body is replaced by an inexplicable calm. Many deep relaxing breaths later all my fears get replaced by the new, familiar peace and quiet. As the glory of this solitude living washes over me I know deep down all is well – this moment of equilibrium, acceptance, tranquility is precious.
Moving from loneliness to solitude is simply shifting the focus from the outside material world to the inherently blissful soul within. When the switch happens and you are able to hold onto this, that’s an internal battle won. Victory is bittersweet!